The October Music, Stanza 2 - Day 13

Only When I Lose Myself

            This can’t be happening. It can’t. The…what was he…shaman? Priest? Medicine man? Whatever he was, he said this was a religious thing. It was a way to leave the earthly bonds and explore the heavens. He assured me he’d done it a thousand times before. He had a kind face and gentle voice. I trusted him. Why would I not have?

            It started the way I expected. Dark room, incense thick enough to choke on, a low drone of music, a comfortable seat. Meditation cliché, you know? He gave me a glass – no, a goblet – full of something soupy and stinking. He told me to drink it and I did because, again, why would I not? It was like drinking battery acid suspended in aspic and I nearly threw up, but I kept it down. He told me to sit back and let my mind wander. So I did.

            Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Then something happened. My…me, for lack of a better word, left through the top of my head. I looked down and saw myself resting. I saw the man puttering around with a few crystals on a table. I saw the air around me shimmer and glitter. It was pretty. Still is, objectively.

            That’s when this man I trusted with my safety came over to my body. He muttered a few words I couldn’t understand from a language I had never heard. He opened the mouth of my body and tilted its head back. He then poured something black down its throat. As soon as he did, a rush of screams surrounded me, filled the room, replaced everything I could see. I saw my body shudder and heave and then open my eyes. I – it? – stood up and looked around the tent.

            The man – this charlatan – spoke to it. He said he had finally found a willing vessel. He said it only took a little convincing before I agreed to vacate my body for it. I had never agreed to that. I tried to yell and get his attention. He did not look up. The thing in me, however, did. It looked directly at me with my face and eyes empty and dark. It saw me – I know it did – and then it smiled that smile I use when I know I’ve won a business negotiation. The cruel triumphant grin that lets everyone know who is in charge and it used it on me. It waved and then turned back to the man.

            This man said something about this being a detour, a day trip. He said this thing would have several hours to be alive but it would need to return before midnight so he could give my body back to me. That was the deal and he expected the thing to honor it. In response, the thing inside my body reached out and snapped the man’s neck. Afterwards, the now-me looked up again, said ‘thank you’, and left.
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I don’t think I’m coming back.