The October Music, Stanza 2 - Day 4

Billy Spleen

            Most people have at some point in their lives had imaginary friends. You know, someone that didn’t exist that they would talk to, have conversations with, and generally use to develop social skills. The thing is that most people also grow out of them as they mature and understand what is real and what is not real. Most people also don’t have their own organs being their imaginary friends. Swing and miss on all of those for me.

            To be fair, there was a time between when I was little and the present oddness where I was normal, healthy, and functional. I had friends and a girlfriend or two. It was around the time I turned thirty and progressed to the next level of life that things became strange. At first, it was a cute little quirk (at least in my mind). Instead of saying I was going to eat, I would think and say that I was going to feed Bertie – my stomach. It ramped up quickly from there. When I broke up with my girlfriend, Roger – my heart – was dying. When I got salmonella and couldn’t crap for a week, my guts Timmy and Tommy were unhappy. My kidneys were Mike and Mick. My lungs were Haley and Aria. I didn’t have a set of organs. I had a village.

            It was manageable, even with all of those. I would talk to them. When they started talking back, though, it became worrisome. Bertie told me to eat some damn toast because he was hurting. Roger demanded I ask out Samantha from work. And on and on. I tried to keep them pacified but they got louder. Their voices echoed in my head, and I could barely think. Then Billy spoke up. Billy was my spleen. He never talked because he never had to. He was just there. But when Samantha laughed in my face and walked away, when Roger sobbed inside my chest…Billy talked. He said I needed to protect my village and set an example. He said I needed to avenge my family’s honor. I couldn’t argue. He was very persuasive.

            Samantha went missing that weekend. Roger purred with happiness. Bertie asked for sushi. Even Haley and Aria seemed to bring in more air. And Billy? Billy just laughed quietly, contentedly. Over the next couple of weeks, as the search for Samantha ramped up and desperation filled the office, I found that I was remarkably focused. The village inside me left me alone. It was quiet.

            Then Monday came. A new girl started – Brooke. Roger liked her immediately and demanded I talk to her, but her boyfriend brought her lunch before I could. Roger cried and complained and then Billy chimed in. Protect the village, he said. Two’s not much harder than one, he said. He’s not wrong. So, this weekend, I invited the two of them to dinner at my place near the woods. They accepted. Good. I can make my family happy.
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            Besides, Bertie’s hungry.