What's your full name?
I mean, Aaron C. Cross. Duh. I won't tell you my middle name, but the full name does include BA, MS, PhD. at the end so...that's pretty rad, right?
Where are you living?
In my parents' basement. No, seriously. It's saving me from living in some crack den as I go to school.
How old are you?
34. A full 34 years old. I'm on the road to 40 now. I'm terrified. It's like staring into a black portal of nothingness from which no light can escape and the only words that ring through my head are 'You're thirty-four now. Welcome to Hell.' I use medication for a reason.
Hell yes, yikes.
How many books have you published?
Three, so far. Robocopter Ski Patrol, Untitled Spy Story: A Novel, and Ruben's Cube Alaska: Bullet Point 2: Judgment Day: This Time It's Real. You should buy a copy or two. You know, for friends, family, and loved ones. Actually, buy as many copies as you want and give them away as presents. Great for birthdays and Christmas/Hanukkah/Eid/Tet/Ramadan/Winter Holidays!
I'll think about it.
What are your books about?
Think of them like art pieces, really. Lots of drinking and sex and swears and crazy and some fourth-wall breaking and also paradoxes.
That's how I do, fam.
What does that even mean?
I have no idea. I hear that the kids say it so...when in doubt, fleek with bae.
...that made me actually vomit a little.
Yeah, I don't feel super good about it either. Let's move on.
I didn't come super prepared.
That was a mistake.
Uh, alright. Let's see. Anyone special in your life?
What do you mean special?
I'm asking the questions here.
Except you haven't been doing a great job of that.
I can do that or answer your questions.
Fine. I guess I'll be more specific. Are you dating anyone?
...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Wait, wait. Ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
That seems unnecessary.
Heh. Hahah. Okay, I'm good. Thanks for that. I needed a laugh today.
Seriously, that isn't super funny.
I disagree entirely. Next question?
Where are you in your process right now?
Well, I'm currently vacillating between 'I am a hack and everything I write should be summarily burned to ashes' and...actually, that's where I'm at. I'm still hacking away at various books and edits and all of that but, by and large, it's been a long dark period for creative output. Hopefully that changes. Maybe I just need to get super drunk...
I'm not sure that's healthy.
Books by me? Three. (Fine, technically four) Books by you? Zero. I'll tell YOU what's healthy.
Sigh. Fine. Can you tell us what your next book is about?
Are you kidding? I can barely keep it straight to MYSELF what my books are about. Have you read one? They're incredibly difficult to explain, what with all the crazy going on.
You seem to take a lot of pride in crazy.
Look at you, Mr. (Mrs.? Ms? I don't know) Therapist over There! I have to be a straight-laced professional during my dealing with humans time, so when I write, I like to loosen those cuffs and just dive into the pool that has to be sequestered from the world.
So, like a cathartic thing, then?
Look, I don't know about any of that. I just like writing about people getting drunk and fighting things. That's all.
Okay, I'm going to go. Last question: where can people buy your books?
Amazon, e-Book, or CreateSpace.