The October Music - Day 13

In Dreams
I’m sure that everyone can relate to the falling in love dreams. You know the kind. Where you’re asleep but you find the woman or man that is perfect for you, you fall in love, build a life together, and all of that, only to wake up and realize that you’re alone in your bed with nothing but the throbbing memories of fantasy in your heart? The kind where you walk through an entire day in a sort of haze because your brain doesn’t quite know how to separate what you felt from what is real. The kind where you actually ache over someone that did not exist and never will.

Compared to what I have now, that would be a blessed relief.

See, I used to dream about those moments all the time. Countless women would go through my mind, take a little piece of my heart, and dance off into nothingness with the sound of that damn alarm in the morning. It would hurt and I would be unhappy all day, but that would fade. Until Shannon, that is.

It was just one of those standard dreams with a cute blonde woman. It was when I woke up that the problems started. Throughout the day, she would come back into my mind and tinker with things. Little things at first. For instance, I was trying to text a friend about a date that was coming up, but I felt her change the name of the date to Shannon instead of whatever it actually was. I had to apologize for that one.

Since then, she’s gotten more and more insistent. When I fall asleep, she’s there, waiting, and she perks up when she sees me. I could have been about to dream of something else – anything else – but she takes me by the hand and leads me back into living the life we’ve been building. It’s to the point that even a nightmare would be preferable to the agonizing sameness that I’m experiencing. I don’t want to sleep anymore, simply because it sends me back to the routine.

That’s bad, I know. She’s not real. I need to see someone to get it resolved. All of those things are true and yet, when I close my eyes, she’s there and wanting to go to brunch or adopt a puppy or even ready for a couples’ retreat.

What’s worse, though, is what has been happening lately. I’ve taken to using pills that knock me out without the possibility of dreams and somehow that’s been effective. Waking up is the problem, because when I do, I notice that things around my room are different. My lamp has changed. There are bobby pins scattered across my dresser. Even my sheets are a different color.

What scares me the most is what’s happening at the moment. See, I just woke up. I’m on my side, facing the wall, but I can feel something different now.
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It’s someone’s back and it’s pressed against mine.