The October Music: Third Verse - Day 9

​Wither
Desperation is an ugly thing but so am I, I told myself as I stared between myself in the mirror and the wriggling pill in my hand. For too long, I had felt gross and unlovable, ashamed of my size. I knew it wasn't cool to believe, but the overly generous curves and rolls of my body made me feel worthless. I needed to get a handle on it, if only for my own sense of well-being. The website, throwing up warning signs left and right, had advertised a miracle drug that could slim me down to a reasonable size within days. It seemed too good to be true, but when you feel trapped, you take whatever lifeline you can find.

Once the package had arrived, though, I found myself disconcerted by the smallness of the bottle inside. It was one pill. Harmless. Greenish-blue - almost teal - and about the size of a breath mint. I had gotten scammed, I told myself, but at least I hadn't sent them all that much money. Stupid is as stupid does, I thought, but I may as well try this placebo for laughs. When I opened the bottle, though, the pill began to...move. Shift. Twitch and squirm. It looked almost alive. I put that lid back on the bottle and stuffed the whole thing far back into my medicine cabinet. That was, as the kids say, a 'nope'.

Two days later, I had embarrassed myself at a party at work and needed to unwind. I opened the cabinet to see if I had any pain pills left to numb myself, but instead I saw the bottle. Screw it, I thought. Maybe it'll dull the pain in my heart. That led me to where I was at that point, trepidation in my heart. Nothing ventured, right?

I swallowed the pill and nearly retched as I felt something akin to legs scrape all the way down my esophagus and into my stomach. This was a mistake. I knew it immediately. But throwing it up would only exacerbate things so I had to ride it out. I took three Oxy, turned the TV on, and fell asleep on the couch, trying to forget it all.

The next morning, something felt strange. I felt lighter somehow. I opened my eyes and tried to move, but I couldn't. I was paralyzed. I tried to scream for help, but my voice was stuck as well. I could not do a thing but blink and look around the room. 

That was three months ago. I'm slimmer now, that is for sure, but not in the right way. I can see my hands. They are almost skeletal. My stomach stopped growling days ago. Now, all that's left is a starving gnawing. All I can do is sleep and wake up, hoping that the next day will either bring movement or will not arrive.  

Lately, though, something has changed. I feel something moving in my stomach. Fluttering. Growing. Feeding. 
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Ironic, no?